yo

its been a while, lets see...me and Brittany are no longer together, and the more i keep thinking she was the best ill get and that no one can compare to her the more i realize that im way wrong. i have become heavily involved with drugs, like i already wasn't(BTW huffing air in a can gets you really really high). the band is doing good, we recorded a song go check it out its called ninja stoner www.myspace.com/chameleoncrusade, ill hopefully be moving to rifle soon too. until next time. peace

well

im clingy, and i guess i tell brittany i love her too much. hmm this really makes me lol

well

im clingy, and i guess i tell brittany i love her too much. hmm this really makes me lol

Job

I quit it, i guess people don't care that my grandmother with invasive fucking cancer is visiting. im kinda pissed off but i dont care. at least i get to see brittany AND my grandma today. SWEET!

confused/hurt/pissed off

im confused because i dont get why brittany would consider breaking up with me not once but twice and still be with me, i take that as kind of meaning she isnt happy with me, which leads to why im hurt, why didnt she tell me this before? am i really that shitty of a boyfriend? lastly im pissed off at my internet for sucking monkey balls


the end

Honestly... i don't know what to do

i really don't, the blog that Brittany posted on myspace really hit me hard. she said she is alone a lot, and even when she is not alone she feels like it. is she talking about me? if so, then i honestly don't know what to do. she might not be talking about me but i have a gut feeling that she is. maybe things are not going as good with me and her as i thought. i really do not want to be the source of her depression. i don't want her to feel bad because she is tired and is about to fall sleep when we hang out, i don't want her to feel bad for wanting to hang out with just her friends, i don't want her to feel bad because of some of the really stupid things i say. im sick of making her feel bad. i love her so much, she doesn't even know how much she means to me. i have been paranoid for the past like 2 months that she would just lose interest in me and break up with me. that would ruin me. i don't know what i would do without her. even if i don't see her that much anymore, just knowing im hers is a very wonderful feeling. i don't tell her i love her just to say it, i mean it 100%, she is the first girl i can honestly say im head over heels in love with her. i just want to sit sown with her and talk, we never do that. i would really like it. well...until next time



Peace

yaaaaahhhhhhhh

blogging at school FTW

Im an asshole

i really am, i feel like my life has no meaning. all i do is piss Brittany off, it sucks. i don't know why im so god damn depressed, i would not think twice about jumping off a cliff right now. i deserve it. but she deserves better. i don't know what im gonna do. buy i guess its cry myself to sleep once again



Peace

Derek=Epic Fail At Life

i really do

depressed

thats what ill be the rest of this week now

what the F**k

why do i feel like this. i feel so rejected. i hate it. im just gonna go to bed then. work shat out while i lay down.



Peace

so i went to church last night...

yeah it was pretty awkward. anyway my mom said she got a call from the school last night telling her im probably gonna get expelled from school for missing to many days. that would suck, big time.but i have to catch my bus...peace

dumbass

thats what i was yesterday, i was at the skate park and i busted my ass as usual and i fucked up my head and hip pretty bad, so i called Brittany because she said she would pick me up when i called her. so i call her and she asks me if i can just walk to her house. so reluctantly i say yes because my fucking head hurts like a bitch,and my hip kinda made it hard to walk. i don't know why but i was really pissed of after i got off the phone with her, all i could keep thinking was "you cant take 5 mins to come and get me? is 5 mins gonna ruin this application?" but i soon moved from pissed off to i really don't give a fuck anymore and i just decided to go hang out with Jesse to leave Brittany alone to finish that shit. i ended up walking around for like an hour blasting slipknot to calm myself down, and eventually got to Jesse's and then me and him hung out. but what im really trying to say is i AM a dumbass for getting mad because those applications ARE more important than me. but i guess i didn't realize that.
Well Skyler and Roshielle are on their way over so im out.



Peace

SHIT

i need a job...bad

Chika Chika What Chika Yeah

well im really really bored and im really hyper right now, and blasting the heritic anthem. lol my mom yelled that is un-Christian like. well thats me:)so ya.
WHOOP DIDDY LALA

gonna be a long one

i realized i haven't blogged in a long time, a really long time. but i think ill get in the habit again.

so things have been going really good. me and Brittany are still together,been just over 6 months, and i can honestly say I'm more in love with her then i have been or think i will ever be with anyone in my life. she is true perfection. as for friends, really haven't lost any but i have gained a couple. one of them is Conner, i don't know what it is about this kid but me and him really get along, we hang out a lot and we both just got back into skateboarding. i bought a truck not too long ago, its a 1987 Toyota pickup 4x4. i have also learned how to snowboard pretty decent and its really fun.

like i said before, things have been going really good... until tonight. i mentioned to Brittany that i might get a couple vicodin from someone whose name I'm not gonna mention and she got pretty upset. now i probably would of not even taken them if i got them, but i mentioned it to her anyways. so she texted me after she dropped me off and i found out i made her cry. now i feel like the biggest asshole in the world. i really fucked up, and i absolutely hate the fact that i made her cry. i love her with every ounce of my being and im not exaggerating either. i have never cared for anyone this much before, its safe to say i would do ANYTHING for her, she is well worth it, and then some. i just don't want to upset her anymore, so yeah i have been crying for like the past 10 mins, and i cant stop. i have never cried this much before. she means the world to me and when i upset her i feel like the lowest life form on this planet. well its late and im gonna try to get some sleep. i hope shit works out.



Peace